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п»ї<title>The value of apology</title> [IMG]https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/pareja-dandose-espalda.jpg[/IMG] Not a day goes by without a politician apologizing or, more profusely, apologizing to his adversaries for his own or other people's actions, grumpy customers demanding attention and compensation for having felt mistreated, patients hurt by the actions of the health personnel attending them, sportsmen publicly expressing their regret for their extra-marital affairs or employees protesting against the indelicacy of their employers. Some, on the one hand, are on the hunt for compensation, in the form, at the very least, of an apology, for the harm they have suffered, while others go through, or avoid, the ordeal of asking for forgiveness for their own flagrant error. According to Aaron Lazare, author of On Apology, former chancellor of the University of Massachusetts and a leading authority on the study of apology and the processes of repentance and forgiveness, what makes an apology work is the exchange of shame and power between offender and offended. Through apology, one takes the shame of the offense and directs it toward oneself. By acknowledging the offender's shame, the offended takes the power to forgive. According to Lazare, an apology involves an exchange and is, in itself, a negotiation process where the agreement must leave both parties emotionally satisfied. But, make no mistake, it is not a simple negotiation. Despite the undeniable benefits of apology, we cannot say that, generally speaking, we are experts on the subject and have the humility and courage to accept when we are wrong, acknowledge when we have caused harm and sincerely express our regret. And yet, the apology has the power to make our relationships, whether personal or professional, more solid, restored, recovered and even stronger. A sincere apology accepted by the other party is the most palpable sign of civilized and profound interaction between human beings. In the words of Beverly Engel, author of The Power of Apology, the benefits of apology are clear to both the giver and the receiver. On the one hand, the recipient of the apology feels emotionally healed when he is acknowledged by the offender, stops perceiving the offender as a threat, removes him from anger and prevents him from being trapped by the past. Apology opens the door to forgiveness by allowing empathy for the offender. On the other hand, through apology and taking responsibility for our actions we help ourselves to avoid self-reproach, with the consequent impact on self-esteem. Knowing that we have hurt someone may distance us, but once we have apologized we feel freer and closer. Since the apology makes us feel humbled, if not humiliated, it can also act as a deterrent, reminding us not to repeat the act in the future. Going back to Lazare, there is no single reason to apologize. It can be done with the aim of saving or restoring a relationship, for a simple reason of empathy, to prove the damage caused, to avoid further punishment or to alleviate a sense of guilt. Or also because of pressure from the media, the main daily motive for politicians, companies and other actors with permanent public exposure. Apologizing is often not easy. It is, on a large number of occasions, a difficult and costly exercise. It involves facing feelings of shame, guilt, fear and the risk of being vulnerable. Apology tends to be seen as a sign of a weak character but, in fact, it requires great strength. And it is good to learn how to reach it because, although it is not a guarantee of success, it is impossible to live in today's world without this skill. A skill that requires a process to be truly effective and that should not obviate the following steps: 1. Acknowledging the offense 2. Describe the damage caused 3. Accept responsibility 4. Establish how the damage will be repaired For example, surely we have all observed or experienced a situation where, due to stress, fatigue or personality, the boss "reprimands" a subordinate in the presence of his colleagues. Hopefully, after minutes, hours or days, the same subordinate receives the corresponding apology in terms similar to "I realize, and I am sorry, that my words have provoked a feeling of frustration in you, I should have measured the verbal excess and not have done it in the presence of your colleagues. I will try never to do so again." I wish it were always like that. An apology can also be a double-edged sword when it rings false, when it shows no real regret, or when it is self-centered. Also when it is overused, when there is no relationship between the size of the offense and the apology or when it comes too soon or too late. Self-centeredness is also a factor in failed or avoided apologies. The egotist is incapable of appreciating the suffering of another person; his or her regret is limited to being unappreciated by the offended person but not by the harm caused. The type of apology he usually employs takes the form of "I'm sorry you were angry with me" rather than "I'm sorry I caused you harm." The offender is simply aware but does not feel guilty, ashamed or empathetic. And a good apology also has to make you suffer, as studied by Lazare. If there is no genuine regret it will not be taken as sincere. https://www.rxshopmd.com/products/antinarcoleptic/buy-armodafinil-artvigil/ [url=https://baltimoretown.org/phpbb5/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=24775]Spotlight: the value of journalism[/url] [url=http://www.onlineschool.ipt.pw/user/Vivianchusa/history/]What's behind the crisis of the thirties?[/url] [url=http://asphn.free.fr/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=3960]Elliot Aronson, biography of a brilliant social psychologist.[/url]

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